How to Help Your Child Name and Normalise Difficult Feelings

Helping children understand and manage their emotions is a vital life skill. When children can name their feelings, it helps them to process what they are experiencing. It also reassures them that their feelings are normal and that emotions come and go. This article offers simple ways to support your child in naming and normalising difficult feelings.

Understanding Emotional Literacy

Emotional literacy is the ability to recognise, understand, express, and manage emotions in oneself and others. It’s about understanding what might trigger certain feelings and how to communicate them appropriately, both verbally and through body language. Developing emotional literacy helps children build resilience, self-awareness, empathy, and positive relationships. Research shows that children with good emotional literacy often perform better academically and have better mental health.

Naming Feelings

The first step is to help your child identify and name their emotions.

• Use everyday situations: When reading books, watching films, or playing, talk about the emotions characters might be feeling. You could say, “That character looks sad” or “You seem really happy playing with that toy”.
• Visual aids: For younger children, feelings cards or charts with different facial expressions can be useful. You can use these to ask how they are feeling at different times of the day or during challenging activities.
• Expand their vocabulary: Help children move beyond basic feeling words like ‘happy,’ ‘sad,’ or ‘angry’. Introduce more complex words like ‘frustrated,’ ‘disappointed,’ or ‘anxious’ as they get older.

Normalising Feelings

It’s crucial to let children know that all emotions are okay and a normal part of being human.

• Share your own feelings: Model healthy emotional expression by talking about your own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, “I felt a bit sad today when something didn’t go well at work, but I know it’s okay to feel sad, and I’ll feel better soon”.
• Validate their experience: When your child expresses a difficult emotion, acknowledge it without judgment. You could say, “It’s okay to feel angry that your toy broke. I would feel that way too”. This helps them feel understood and accepted.
• Emotions are temporary: Teach children that feelings, especially negative ones, don’t last forever and will reduce in intensity. This understanding helps them cope better.

Creating a Safe Space for Expression

Children need a secure environment where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings.

• Listen actively: When your child is upset, be present, stay calm, and really listen to them. Let them feel the emotion without trying to immediately fix the problem.
• Encourage open communication: Make time for regular conversations about their day and how they are feeling. Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share.
• Offer different ways to express feelings: Not all children find it easy to talk about their emotions. Suggest alternatives like drawing, journaling, music, or physical activity.

If you are a foster carer, supporting a child with complex emotions can sometimes be challenging. Remember that your fostering agency is there to support you. For example, Clifford House Fostering offers training and resources to help foster carers understand and respond to children’s emotional needs effectively. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your fostering agency if you need guidance on how to approach these conversations or manage challenging behaviours that may stem from difficult emotions. They can provide tailored advice and support for your specific situation.

By consistently helping your child to name and normalise their feelings, you are equipping them with essential tools for life. This will help them to build stronger relationships, cope with challenges, and develop into emotionally resilient individuals.